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Preparation
Not much preparation went into this
Not much preparation went into this
At this time, I was taking acid every other week, enough to cause the 5-HT2 receptors to downregulate. This frequent use made my trips somewhat blurry, and I didn't take extensive notes. Usually my routine was to make sure my house is clean (acid heightens my sense of smell and everything unclean bothers me and takes me out of the experience)
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Variant: 1P-LSD
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Come up
Moving like a snake during the initial visions
Moving like a snake during the initial visions
My trips often have themes. This time I started to think a lot about life. This variant was very strong on the visuals for me so after the usual waves I started to see abstract green spaces. The green visuals I experienced symbolized life.
I was seeing in my mind how the grass was growing, I was seeing complex and intertwined relationships between same and different species. I saw the complexity of human sexuality represented through abstract geometric shapes and colors. It felt as though the acid was not trying to teach me anything specific, but simply highlighting the complexity.
As I was seeing all this I was moving into all sorts of poses. I had to test the full range of motion my body was capable of. It felt amazing to move on the bed, doing spontaneous laying yoga.
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Peak
Sexual Thoughts, Erection
Sexual Thoughts, Erection
To be honest I don't remember the exact contents of the sexual thoughts I was filled with. I spend years being afraid of women so I had a strong desire to be "in the game", to try to seduce a women, even if that meant I would fail. It seemed fun, but also important.
The thoughts, naturally lead to an erection. I found my dick to be fascinating to look at. Not only it was interesting, but I found it to be incredibly beautiful. I examined every vain swiveling around the conical surface, the shape of the head, the color of the skin. My penis was pulsating with blood flow and I found it to be beautiful and fascinating. It felt like an organism, and in particular made the association with a flower (e.g. daisy)
When I was telling this story to my friends I realised that the acid allowed me to see my dick from the point of view of a straight woman or a gay man.
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This is the most unbelievable part of the experience.
When I am on drugs and I don't aim for an inward experience, (meaning I am not laying down with my eyes closed) I am hyper-aware and sensitive to the surrounding environment. In fact I refer to this state as "hyper-intelligence" as I feel I am able to read people/nature like never before. This time was no different.
Also, when I am on drugs, (and especially MDMA), my interest in women is heightened, (or perhaps my fear is lessened). I should note that my interest in everything is heightened.
I did not masturbate, but decided to go for a walk instead. I don't think I was hard while I was walking, otherwise I would have noticed it, but I would rule out a mild bulge either. However I noticed something else - every woman seemed to be very interested in me:
- Women would turn to face me as I approach them, and would rotate their bodies to face me as I pass them by.
- Women would make sounds as I pass them by. (For example a high-pitched "Hm")
- Women would make head-gestures at me, signaling me to talk with them.
- Women would smile at me.
As I was telling this story to my friends, they said that I was hallucinating. Given how realistic LSD hallucinations can be, I cannot rule that out 100%, but I am very confident I wasn't.
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At first it felt incredible to be this attractive and it gave me an incredible boost of happiness and confidence. As the evening progressed and women kept displaying their interest to me, I felt ashamed by my attractiveness. I couldn't handle it. I felt I needed to hide in my apartment as I was not sure how I am supposed to act. This was just so not what I was used to and I needed to go back to a familiar state.
I spent the rest of the experience at home.
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Aftereffects
I Couldn't Keep the Gift I was Given
I Couldn't Keep the Gift I was Given
The next day, confident that I was attractive, I went out of my house and immediately noticed an attractive girl/woman waiting at the tram stop. Naturally, I smiled to her, confident due to my experience the previous day, that my smile is very welcome. She gave me an expression that said "You? Nah..."
I was back to normal.
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Integration
The long term effects of acid use
The long term effects of acid use
This experience highlighted a few important things for me:
- Women are attracted by behavior and acid can influence this behavior such that you are more attractive (or maybe unattractive if this is needed for some reason)
- I needed to work on my intimacy issues. I had the opportunity to talk with girls who welcomed my advances, yet I still chose not to.
In the long run drugs definitely helped me to relax around women and sex. I used to be quite conservative in my views and (without getting into specifics) I am very liberal now. I believe acid makes you a hippy and that is a good thing.