We took half of each at 18:00, putting it under the tongue for 15-20 minutes.
We prepared in advance: we did the basic chores, prepared food and sweets, and picked up a cool playlist for the evening.
I also had to prepare some food for tomorrow night's party, to which we were invited on 31.12.
I started cooking vegetables for the salad and then started making the dough for the pie. At some point (after about 40-60 minutes), I began to feel that my state and perception of reality were changing: I felt something like excitement, an inner slight tremor and slight intoxication, but it was not the same as from alcohol. I was aware of everything and tried to get the remaining things done before the peak of the substance's effects.
At one point, I was kneading dough in a bowl and felt like I wanted to stick to the process. I admired the flour crumbling in my hands and stirred the mixture over and over again, watching the process visually and with the help of sensations in my hands. It seemed very beautiful to me. Meanwhile, my inner excitement grew and a barely noticeable feeling of nausea rolled over in waves.
E. noticed that I was making dough for a very long time and called me. I got distracted and finished kneading it.
We decided to have dinner. The food was warmed up. By this time, we were already high. I felt weakness in my arms and shoulders (I felt it all evening until I let go), as if an electric current was passing from my neck to my hands. I asked E. to take the food out of the microwave and put it on the table because I was afraid of knocking it over (it was soup).
Then we began to eat. For some reason, we ate from the same large bowl and it amused us a lot. The food was delicious. We joked and laughed endlessly in the process. The mood lifted noticeably.
We started drinking tea with sweets. Turkish delight seemed extremely tasty to us, and the process of eating it seemed very long to me. My husband was noticeably stuck to a cup of Turkish delight. We were pleasantly excited.
After that, I suggested that we get ready for bed in advance, in case we were unable to: brush our teeth, take a shower and change into dressing gowns.
That's what we did. This process seemed infinitely long to me, I constantly wanted to stop and stare at something. There was a bright light in the bathroom, and I turned the palm of my hand to face me and began to examine it carefully. The palm appeared unusually bright. From time to time, it seemed to me that the brightness of the light in the room was changing: the light was flashing more brightly, then dimming. Sometimes I noticed flashes.
So I started looking at my palm. After a while, I noticed that I could see the network of veins on it absolutely clearly. This picture fascinated me more and more, the veins seemed to move, the palm of my hand bubbled, resembling the surface of boiling porridge (there were curvatures and changes in the skin pattern), then completely merged into one whole, then the distance between the fingers appeared again, then it darkened, acquiring a slightly different pattern, then brightened. At some point, I noticed the same patterns with centers in different parts of my palm, and they moved, leaving a rainbow trail behind them. It all shimmered like a crystal with a ray of light hitting it, and periodically there was a dispersion effect when the light splits into a spectrum in the form of a rainbow.
It was difficult to distract myself from this sight, and I felt joy that I could watch it and that it all looked so magical, at the same time I was clearly aware that this was just the effect of my consciousness under the influence of a substance.
I do not know how long I stood there looking at my palm, but suddenly I realized that I had been doing this for quite a long time. I took my hand away from my face and continued washing and brushing my teeth.
We periodically exchanged jokes with E. and for some reason they were hilariously funny. It was as if our sense of humor had become more vivid during this period - we were definitely more creative and relaxed.
After finishing all our chores, we sat on the bed in the bedroom and stared at a large golden cardboard star leaning against the wall in the living room: the star cast a shadow on the wall and its limbs continuously undulated, doubled, and danced. e. it was very exciting. E. noted with delight that the star was dancing. I saw it too. We sat like that for a while, and then moved to the living room on the sofa. We lay down on it and stared at the ceiling and the window. There were curtains on the window. They also moved smoothly in undulations if you focused your eyes on them. There was partial shade in the room and I said that in the dark there was no noticeable rainbow effect if you look at the palm of your hand. E. went into the room, picked up a large book on Japanese painting and began to look at the pictures.
All this time, music was playing in the background and its sounds seemed to direct the movement of objects and were very exciting. The music seemed to create a mood and rhythm in what was happening. It was perceived as something important and attention-grabbing. E. and I decided that music is one of the most important components of a good state and mood.
Then I asked E. to go into the bedroom and find my sock (I was lying on the couch in one sock and the other foot was a little cold). He went to look for it.
Meanwhile, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my inner state. I didn't feel like sleeping. Closing my eyes, I saw geometric shapes in the form of lines and triangles, which quickly changed shape and moved against a dark background. The shapes and lines were bright neon colors: yellow, pink, blue. It was interesting.
Soon E. came in with my sock, which he found in the pillowcase from the pillow and I put it on.
We continued to chat and stare at the curtains. I felt safe and comfortable. And there was also a feeling of closeness, trust, joy from togetherness and warmth to E.
As if it had united us even more and created a common space.
We looked at the clock: it was about 23:00 and we decided to move to the bedroom.
We lay down on the bed with our feet to the headboard so that we could see the star from the bedroom. We started chatting and talking about the seven-pointed star of magicians, and I started telling him what it meant. We talked for a long time about the planets of the solar system, their role and functions in astrology. I felt like we were discussing something important and at the same time it was fun and good.
I didn't feel like sleeping. But we made ourselves comfortable, moved the laptop with the music into the bedroom and turned off the light. Around one o'clock in the morning, we began to be quietly released, but we continued to talk. Our topics covered mystical experiences, extraterrestrials, Shambhala and Agharti, the Roerichs and Tibet.
I was silent for a minute and a clear thought came to my mind, along with the picture, that what matters is what we can give to others at the level of our personal energy, our inner vibe - only this can bring transformation and benefit to others. Words and information can be anything, but the essence of all human interaction is the ability to touch that living and vibrant thing that reflects our true nature. That is, it doesn't matter what you say, do, or write, it only matters what concerns others on a deeper level, at the level of your being. That's all you can convey. Only this can change the world around you. At the same time, the picture looked like this: in the center there was a glowing ball, and around it there were other, smaller ones. When they came into contact with a large ball, they received part of its glow and energy and also began to glow. At the same time, the glow and energy of the big ball did not decrease.
Wind down
The third part (the last)
The third part (the last)
In general, the thoughts were interesting, philosophical, and felt important. We talked with E. about planet Earth and how everything works on it, who lived here before us and where these creatures have gone. We talked about this for quite a long time and shared different stories and thoughts. It was great. At about 2 a.m. He began to fall asleep, but at first his sleep was intermittent and he woke up periodically. After about 40 minutes, I began to fall asleep. At that moment, I no longer felt weak in my arms, and that's how I realized that I had already let go.
I had dreams that night, but I only remembered a piece of it clearly.: It's like I'm seeing a dirty courtyard of a high-rise building. Snow has fallen, but the yard is a mess of snow and mud. I see grandmothers with snow shovels and the cop starts commanding the grandmothers to remove the snow. The grandmothers obediently, like soldiers, begin to remove the dirty snow.