I went to O.Z.O.R.A to connect with fellow psychonauts and promote my website. Instead, I lost hope for the human race and our shared mission on Earth.
Mood:I was feeling hungry going into the experience.
Intentions:I wanted to feel a sense of community. Finally I was together with other psychonauts (or so I thought)
Expectations:No expectations I think
Setting
Location:OZORA festival grounds
Date:2024-07-28
Time:15:35 UTC
Social:At the O.Z.O.R.A festival among many other people.
Cultural:No ceremony, although the festival had some spiritual elements. Unfortunately I felt this has been given way of a consumerist sentiment I felt.
Notes:The intensity was high even for a sober me, let alone a high me.
The main reason I wanted to go to O.Z.O.R.A was to meet fellow psychonauts and understand them better. I wanted to talk about my website and make connections.
Furthermore I have been feeling quite the alienation from people judging my drug use. I wanted to see how I will feel on a psychedelic festival where drug use is accepted.
Finally I was interested how people use drugs themselves.
Preparation
Arriving at he festival grounds and setting up my tent
T-2h
Arriving at he festival grounds and setting up my tent
I arrived at the festival around 11:30 and registered.
Then I found a nice, relatively secluded place under a tree, whose main branch was very horizontal instead of going up. I liked the privacy and shade. I quickly set up the tent.
I walked around the festival to get a feel for the place and when I went back to my tent I took the acid. I took it because the weather was very hot and I felt the LSD might deteriorate in the hot weather.
Dose
2.0 tabs of LSD
T+0m
2.0 tabs of LSD
Unknown variant
Come up
Mad Max
T+1h
Mad Max
I stayed in my tent for about an hour, before I started to feel the effects.
I also started to feel very hungry. Unfortunately I wasn't very well prepared so I had to go to one of the food kiosks at the busy festival area. I started to walk towards them.
The festival grounds looked like the Mad max universe.
There were cars and caravans everywhere, spiraling without order, on slopes and tops of hills as well as on the valley floors. The new arriving vehicles were kicking up the dust, which landed on the nearby tents and into the lungs of everyone around the road. The otherwise colorful and happy-looking tents, now seemed disheveled and sad.
I was feeling hot, thirsty and hungry and the acid made the walk from my tent seem to take forever. At long last I reached the lake...
Come up
At the Lake
T+2h
At the Lake
I carefully positioned myself at the lake's bank. I was afraid that I might fall in the water and even though I knew that I wouldn't drown I didn't want to risk it as I was already under the influence. It seemed very slippery so I carefully sat down. As I dropped my legs in the water a thoroughly enjoyed the coolness of the water.
There was a gorgeous French couple in the water. He was holding her in the water and they were kissing. I closed my eyes. I saw them in the exact same pose, except for their hands which were now extended towards my mouth, feeding me a burger. Clearly acid was reminding me of my original mission - to get food.
I opened my eyes. I saw a lot of people dancing on the small beach. A lot of them were naked. I felt weird to look at them so I went out of the water and closed my eyes.
I started to see in my inner vision body parts, but they were deformed and colored in a toxic green hue.
Right then I heard "or you can enjoy it like this". I opened my eyes and saw two women walking near me, with one of them extending her hand towards me. I felt self consciousness about my posture. I had my head in between my legs trying to dampen the overstimulating environment. Clearly they could tell I wasn't enjoying myself.
As I looked around I was able to tell that people were not on psychedelics. They were drinking and smoking.
I felt ashamed and overstimulated, but worst of all - I felt judged. One of the biggest reasons I wanted to join the festival was not to be judged by the people there.
I still wanted to be close to the water so I moved in the direction opposite the party area, but still near the lake. There were a lot of people enjoying the coolness of the water in there and I had to walk in close proximity to them. One groups had their box of food right on the path, and in it I saw grapes and really wanted to eat one grape, but was too afraid to ask. I was reminded of my social anxiety and became sadder that I couldn't find the strength to ask for a grape. (Drugs often amplify my deepest fears. My theory is that they invite me to confront them)
I walked until I met the plastic tape signifying the end of the allowable area. I closed eyes. Again I saw body parts in my inner eye. This time they tried to connect to a body but failed. I recalled my lover's body. It appeared to me in full. Gorgeous and whole. Soft and beautiful.
Finally it downed on me that I didn't have time to properly assimilate our last big fight. I felt tremendous loss and sadness. I felt the last fight might have been the last one.
Come up
At the Party Hill
T+3h
At the Party Hill
I tried to get myself food again. I walked back to the main path. My initial idea was to go straight to the food kiosks. As I started to walk past the party hill I felt a strong desire to avoid it as it was full of people and loud music. However, due to my experience with psychedelics I know that if you are avoiding something, this is due to fear. So I decided to confront the fear and go to the party hill instead.
As I approached it I felt more and more uncomfortable, but the moment I was on the hill, I became a part of the crowd and felt strangely at piece, despite the increase of intensity. They were no longer something "other", I have become "it".
I tried dancing, but felt I didn't enjoy it. I sat next to some people who were just chilling instead of dancing and closed my eyes. In my inner vision a hollow purplish construction started to emerge from the ground. It was emerging with the tempo of the music's beat. The construction was made out of hexagonal bars, but it didn't had an easily describable overall shape.
The LSD was trying to tell me that we, the crowd, are building something (an experience?) and was trying to show me what it was. Perhaps the hexagonal connection meant the connections between people.
I wanted to see where the structure was going, and what was going to happen with it, but the crowd started jumping around me and I had to open my eyes and move to a different place because I was afraid someone will jump on my face.
Come up
At the Food Kiosks (Finally)
T+4h
At the Food Kiosks (Finally)
I started to walk towards the kiosks. The people and music intensified the experience, so I was very happy when I saw an alternative path to the food - a wooden, roofed stairway going up a hill and around the main path.
I took it. I removed my shoes to feel the wood under my feet and felt better. While there were still people there and we had to be pretty close, I felt a more serene energy from them. One of them even said "Sorry" as she passed me by - I understood it as being sorry for disturbing my peace. Maybe she also felt the way I was feeling.
Finally when I arrived at the kiosks I was overwhelmed so tremendously by the music and people that I immediately decided to stay hungry instead. It felt impossible to get myself food. Furthermore the acid was amplifying my social anxiety.
I wanted to find my tent so much and escape everything, but the way to the tent seemed to go through the kiosks, the crowds of people and loud music. As I approached the loudest part, I felt so tremendously overwhelmed that I had to sit down for a minute.
One of the guys who was working nearby saw me and came to check on me. I felt tremendous gratitude and gestured a lie to him that I am okay. He quickly went away.
I found the strength to continue my long, arduous journey. At some point, on a dusty hill, I saw a group of cool German hippies. They seemed to be cooking something so I sat nearby hoping that they will give me some food or something. They noticed me and said something to me, but I couldn't understand them so I just waver to them that I was okay.
I was getting close to my place. Suddenly, like magic I saw a small, familiar hill. I knew that my tent is behind the hill and under the tree. Even though my mission failed, I was happy to be back.
Come up
The "Manly" Man And the Woman
T+5h
The "Manly" Man And the Woman
As I approached my tent I heard the sound of a saw cutting through wood. Some idiot was cutting the tree under which I found refuge. A quick glance at him revealed an exaggerated build - he was one of these man that become unnaturally big from weightlifting. He was explaining to the woman, who had set her tent at the other end of the the low main branch, that he was doing that in order for her not to hurt herself with the smaller branches he was cutting when walking around her tent at night. She didn't seem to ask him to do any of that or to approve of it in any way. I could tell from their conversation that they met not long ago and it was obvious (even without the acid) that the guy was sloppily trying to get laid.
I felt really sad for the tree and the destruction of my environment. I wanted to be connected with nature and be with nature, but it seemed that us, humans, cannot coexist with it. There will always be a manly man, who will feel the need to perform masculine jobs, to dominate over nature. It was a microcosm of all of humanity, of our dominator culture. It made me think how we need to give men real jobs so that they will stray away from performative masculinity.
I don't remember much of what they were talking about, but at some point he explained that he will make sure nobody goes in her tent at night. I found that incredibly creepy as it was betraying his unconscious desire to go to her tent.
Then I heard spraying sounds. The "manly" man had brought an industrial-size machine for spraying against insects. He was explaining to the woman that he will spray around his and her tent so that "little monsters don't get in her tent". Awkward silence followed. She excused herself quickly after that and went somewhere. I never saw her again.
The problem with the spray was that the "manly" man sprayed right on my tent and the spray went right in my lungs. I quickly escaped it and went up hill.
Peak
Jabba The Hutt, The Sunset and the Aliens
T+6h
Jabba The Hutt, The Sunset and the Aliens
Luckily for me, going uphill turned out to be a fantastic decision.
The hill was very steep and the ground - slippery, the dirt beneath my sandals infirm. I used the trunks and branches of the trees to propel myself up and forward.
At the top I arrived at a mowed field. Besides the cut off wheat, I found the vegetation strange beyond recognition. What was most likely cotton thistle (Onopordum acanthium) and other common weeds seemed like alien species.
The music was so loud that even at the top of the hill I could easily hear it. The distance made the base frequencies more audible, and the acid, in turn, transformed them to the sounds of a gluttonous creature, very much like Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars except as big as a building and more frog-like. In my inner eyes, the creature was constantly consuming, by picking something with one hand and putting it in his mouth. As the feeding hand reached the mouth, the other one was already grabbing the next bite. The act of consumption was constant and efficient, only interrupted every 10 or so seconds for the creature to give off an "orgasmic belch" or sound of satisfaction.
I believe the creature was an aggregate manifestation of the festival goers - a lot obsessed with consumption, whether it was music, food, drugs or sex, and enabled by the festival organizers - to be as efficient and profitable as possible.
This vision was in sharp contrast with the Sunset.
The festival grounds are very strategically chosen - they are overlooking a big, flat area. This creates an incredible natural spectacle when the sun goes near the horizon, yet the sun rays paint the underside of the clouds with a warm, golden colors.
The vast spaces revealed a natural spectacle that would humble the biggest of egos. The energy of the sun, a thermonuclear explosion happening every second, was reaching us through the cosmic vacuum. If I could paint, I would. If I could write and describe it - I would. I apologize, dear reader, for I will never be able to truly convey how magnificent it felt. Just like dr. Ellie from movie Contact, I think we should send poets and artists to meet the aliens, but also to capture such states as best as they can.
The source of our life, now was turning the clouds into dragons, into monsters, and into aliens. Some of the clouds that were turning dark gray from the way the light was hitting them, started to look as a frozen levitating alien insects. I realized that we (the festival goers) have been watched by these alien species. They weren't condemning us, but rather, studying us with a scientific interest.
I felt embarrassed for all of us, for our gluttonous pursuits, for the global warming, for our disastrous effect on the environment. I put my hands together and I promised to them: "We can do better".
Wind down
Back in the Tent
T+9h
Back in the Tent
When I started to go back to the tent, the sun was already going down. This made my descent even harder as I wasn't able to see where I was stepping.
When I reached my tent, I found that there was yet another development. This time, another Croatian guy, a friend of the "manly" man, and his French or Spanish girlfriend were trying to set up their giant tent in the little space that was afforded by the surrounding tents and the already defaced tree. Their Dalmatian dog was running amok, barking and being a nuisance to them all.
I went to my tent, offering no help as I thought that would make the whole situation even worse. They tried to assemble the tent, for what I felt was around 1 or 2 hours. In my mind, because I couldn't comprehend otherwise, they were building a tent multiple stories high.
Eventually everything settled and the group disappeared.
Unfortunately the booming music continued all night. It was impossible to sleep, so I just lied on my tiny air mattress in my tiny tent, waiting for the morning.
As I lied the music created structures and shapes that, again, cannot be described by words. Their complexity was driven by the complexity of the music - every tone and timbre accounted for, but my mind was adding more and more color and texture (and thus meaning) to the abstract shapes.
From time to time, an interesting effect occurred, where the music sounded like it was a ball moving through the valley of tents and in my inner eye, I saw the ball touch us all, one by one, and in our high minds we were all handed a piece of the puzzle - the puzzle being the solutions to the problems facing humanity as a whole.
Perhaps unconsciously wanting to fulfill my promise to the aliens, I came up with the idea of an experiment where people take acid together and observe a meteor shower. Instead of consumption, the purpose would be spiritual and intellectual in nature. As the effects unfold, the participants would write down their thoughts and researchers will later comb and organize everything in a coherent story.
Around 6 or 7 o'clock I packed my tent and started to head home. The all-night music, the lack of sleep, and the general vibe was too much for me to keep staying here. I failed to promote the Psychonaut Guide, or even engage with people at all, but I was strangely determined to make this website and this community a success.
Aftereffects
The Long Way Back Home
T+18h
The Long Way Back Home
Even though the festival was supposed to last a whole week, I didn't even stay for a full 24 hours. In the early morning of day of the opening ceremony, I asked, with tears in my eyes, the people working the cashier desks how to get to the nearest city.
The constant booming music created a strange aftereffect. The engine of the bus and the friction of the metal tracks and the wheels of the train was creating a musical rhythm. It was a never ending umpts umpts umpts for the whole long journey back home.
I was exhausted, angry, disappointed but also incredibly inspired and hopeful.